our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
