Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
