the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
