Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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