I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
