goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
