I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
