update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
