exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
