I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
