Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
