he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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