i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
