went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
