i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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