I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
