3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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