two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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