So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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