we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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