The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
