my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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