U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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