I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
