we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
