I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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