you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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