I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
