so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
