Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
