turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
