rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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