Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
