But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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