You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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