Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
