Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
