bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is my gift to your gina
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
