So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
