So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
