I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
