He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The chlamydia really affected his face.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
