TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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