Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
