Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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