Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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