Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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