doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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