Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize