I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
