wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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