Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We're facebook friends in real life
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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