"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
