I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
