i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
