On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
