I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
