I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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