does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
