So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
