Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
