We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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