I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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