my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
