i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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